Something to Remember
by AllThePreciousPiecesAreGone
Summary: Depression, people either win or die trying. We're all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils. Sometimes tears say all there is to say.


Kim's P.o.v.  
And thats how everything started. An argument. Three words. Drunk. Hate. Love. They say if you ask a drunk person something they are more likely to tell you the truth rather than if you're sober. He won't lie, or try to spare you. And maybe people want to know the truth before they get hurt. They won't to know the truth before they get hurt, but what if you were already hurt, and all you wanted was love. You're not helping yourself in this situation. We all do stupid things, we all run from our problems, and we all fall. Thats how it all started. You came home drunk, and asked me if I loved you. I had told you yes. You looked at me and laughed. I didn't understand. Then you asked why would anyone truly love me, and thats where I went mute. I honestly didn't know. You asked me why I was still here, and I replied with "I never left." As time went on I got sick of the hurtful words, and sleeping on the couch. Eventually I did leave. I did walk away, and what truly hurt the most was, you didn't come after me. You moved on, or so it seemed. I stayed locked in the past wondering where I went wrong. I wonder what I did that was so bad, but deep down I knew I couldn't give you everything you wanted. It didn't matter how hard I tried. I guess I always knew, fairytales don't happen, but I was hopping that we would at least have a love story worth remembering.

Its been three months, I can't say I'm over you, but I can say I'm still breathing. I wonder how you're doing without me. I wonder if you've found someone else. I wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you, but its then that I remember you never even loved me. I wonder if you still drink your problems away, or even if you still truly remember who I am. That night before I left, I told myself I was going to help you, and I did. Maybe not directly but I did. I wonder if you figured out it was me. I wonder if you remember what you did to me. What you still do to me. You're probably still drinking still trying to forget, and thats okay. We all have things we want to forget. For me I wish that I had never met you. Then there would be no need to impress you. No need yo want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for rejected hugs. No need for forgotten promises. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. No need, for all you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing. We all have people we think we hate, but we don't, because honestly if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be who we are, but it still hurts. For example I was broken when you met me. You saved me, even after you broke me, you saved me, because I didn't stop trying. I still kept my promise even though the you that I made the promise to was gone. I still kept it, and that kept me together. Thats okay, people leave, they change, they forget. I forgive you for all of them. The night before we got in a fight you told me I deserve better. I didn't want better, I wanted you. Wasn't that enough? Part of me wants to hold onto you, but the other part of me knows that if I don't let go now, I won't be able to let go ever. Maybe its time I give up. Ill can't keep living in the past. I'll tell you good-bye, and I'll leave. Ill forget who you made me, and I'll change who I am.

Ive tried to forget about you I can't. I still cry myself to sleep, and I wonder what happened. I wonder if it was just the alcohol talking. I was losing you, and it was effortless. I think part of the reason we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice. I wanted to tell you that I'm still alive without you, but I'm barely breathing. I wonder if you know how many times I think about you, how many nights Ive stayed awake thinking about you, How many times I sat there, and cried about you. I wonder if you know how much I loved you. We were both to scared to say the things worth saying, and thats what broke us. You always said you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry, so all of those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes? I still wonder if I'm crazy for falling in love with you. After all of the people that warned me you would hurt me; I took a risk anyway, because falling in love means facing your biggest fears. Do you want to know how I knew I was in love with you? I knew I was in love with you when you didn't show up to my birthday. Thats when I knew I was in love with you, because I never left. I miss you, it's undeniable. I can try to avoid it as much as I want but I can't help aching to have you back whenever you vaguely cross my mind. The worst part is you probably don't miss me back. I wouldn't be surprised if I never even crossed your mind. Why don't you care? I would run back to you at any given time and confess everything I feel. But nothing will ever change, you won't care. All I have left to do is sit here and wait for the pain to pass. But deep inside I know it never will.

Jacks P.o.v.

True love isn't easy, but it must be fault for, because once you find it, it can neverI be replaced. Its been four months, since then, and darling I'm lost. I heard you whispering that night in fountain square. I never figured out what you said, but it came to me. You said, "Im sorry." I was sitting by a fountain in the trash filled streets. Made me wish we were headed home, but it's then that I remember home is where you're not. You've probably moved on. Forgotten the jerk who broke your heart. I still remember everything about you. Your honey blonde hair, and your doe brown eyes. Darling I know I said I wouldn't do this, but Im drunk, and everything that I have loved has turned to stone, so pack your bags and come back home. Im wasted you can taste it. Don't look at me that way, cause I'll be hanging from a rope, ill be hanging from a rope. I still remember what it was like to watch movies with you. I still remember telling you I love you, and kissing your forehead every night. I still remember telling you good-bye. Everything was perfect. Then somebody moved and everything you thought you had turned to Sh*t. We've got a lot. Don't you dare forget that. Maybe if I had kept my promise. Maybe if I hadn't come home drunk, but darling I miss you. I know you've found someone better, but I dream you've never left. I remember that song you were listening to when you told me to never leave you. "Twenty seconds on the back burn over time, just twenty seconds till you're no longer mine. It was true. I always told myself I would never let us fade. That was the biggest lie I ever told you. I told her before she left, "I will always care for you, even if we're not together, and even if we're far away from each other. That was one promise I had managed to keep. When I first met you I thought you had the eyes of innocence, the face of an angel, the personality of a dreamer, and a smile that hides more pain than you can imagine. Thats when I realize I lost a diamond while collecting rocks. Thats when I realize I have to tell her its not her fault. Its also then that I realize its to late. She's gone, she's probably happy. Its then that I throw a bottle at the wall. Its then that I realize I'm noting without her. Its then that I realize how much I hurt her. Its then that I promise bot myself, and her that its not her fault. Its then that I start to write, because even if she doesn't see it, shell know its time to forget me, because being in love doesn't always mean you're going to be apart of their future, it just means, that you'll do whatever it takes to make them happy even if it breaks you on the inside.

Staring at the bottom of the glass, hoping one day I'll make a dream last, but they come slow, and they go so fast. I see her when I close my eyes. Maybe one day I'll understand why everything I touch surely dies. Thats when I understand that life isn't fair, but thats also when I know I can move on. I can forget everything I put her through. Thats also when I realize, I never missed her. I only missed the memories. Ill always have those, even if I let her go, and I have.

Now you don't have a purpose, you don't let anybody in, you don't understand why she don't love you, but you don't understand yourself. Now you're out there with no target, so your friends become your aim, but there is no one left around you, so there is no one left to blame. And what you don't know, it won't hurt you, and what you don't know will save you from some pain, but if I could choose I'd let it hurt you, cause there's something about life in the pain. Now there's something inside you starting, like there's a fight coming your way, but there'll be no fists you'll be throwing, just some words you've got to say. And you'll scream for our repentance, or you'll hide behind what's fake, but there ain't nothing to forgiveness, and you give as freely as you take. And what you don't know, it won't hurt you, and what you don't know will save you from some pain but if I could choose I'd let it hurt you, cause there's something bout life in the pain. And I don't need to know your stories. I Don't need to understand your pain, cause I've been here since the beginning, and I'll be here the rest of the way, and I'll be here the rest of the way. Now you've tried your hand at running. Why don't you try your hand at faith, cause there's a moment to be taken, but it is right before you break. And what you don't know, it won't hurt you, and what you don't know will save you from some pain, but if I could choose I'd let it hurt you, cause there's something bout life in the pain, yes there's something about life in the pain. Yes, there's something bout life in the pain.

Kim's P.o.v.

Sometimes tears say all there is to say. Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away. Tried to break my heart well its broke. Its like air. Its there. I know that I should move on, its like he's telling me its okay to move on, but I can't. I don't want to. Everyone says you have to start somewhere. Im choosing to start at the end. After all the end is where it begins. I bet you don't know how much I still need you. I don't know about you, but I kept my promise. Darling, if you're still breathing you're the lucky one, cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs, and if you're in love you are the lucky one, cause most of are bitter over someone. Somehow I was the last to know, we we're falling apart, or maybe I just didn't want to believe it, because I knew that if I did, I would be the broken one. And I know I shouldn't miss you this much, but I do, and I know I shouldn't have relied on you as much as I did, because I knew that we would fall apart. And I knew you were going to give up on us, but I was hopping you wouldn't. Im afraid to admit that I miss you more than I should, but how could I not you helped me through everything. I knew we would fall apart. Its okay, Im still breathing. Everyone tells me I need to get over you, and Ive tried a thousand time, but I can't, because Im not ready to let him go. They didn't know him like I did. They don't know me like he does. Ill spend the rest of my life trying to forget him, and he'll spend the rest of his never thinking about me.

Sometimes the edge serves as more than a friend than you thought it would be, and the pages you write in your journal each night are your only release, and the mask you put on it's like words in a song but there's more to be seen, and the failures you see don't seem failures to me here at all. Alone as I walk through a crowd and it's awkward like nobody sees, and I can't help but wonder would anyone come after you if you leave, so a pain grows inside and that fear comes alive like I'll never be free, but there's no pain you feel that I know love can't heal here at all. From when I wake in the morning till I go and I fall asleep each night I fight to hold onto a love that is inside, because my past is like a nightmare that I never can escape, and I can't wait till I wake up so I can fall back asleep, and I don't understand what happened between you and me, but you will probably end up with someone half as good as me, so I don't care if you want to look me in my eyes and say hello. You were blind to me now I'm blind to you, no, so now I wait for a moment when I know that there is no one left to see all the hurt that's inside me and the reason that I need, I need to let go of the things I see that have always let me fall, and I can't find my way home no cause I'm already home. And I don't understand what happened between you and me, but you will probably end up with someone half as good as me, so I don't care if you want to look me in my eyes and say hello. I sat by the phone today waiting for you to call, so I could pick it up and say hello to you. Cause something must have made you say that. What did I do to make you say that to me? Something must have made you so mad. What can I do to make you say come back to me? Hoping for a moment that I turn around, and you'll be coming after me, after me, cause all that I can say is that its obvious, It's obvious you're all I see, all I see, and you would say hello to me. You were blind to me now I'm blind to you.

I wonder if you know how it really feels to lose all hope. To know that you were just part of a stupid game. I wonder if you really loved me? I wanted to tell you that I had an answer to your question, but it doesn't matter now. It never did. You're the reason I cry myself to sleep. You're the reason for the scars on my wrist, you're the reason I'll be hanging from a rope, because after you left all I did was stay in bed. I didn't eat. I didn't have a reason to. I didn't have a reason to live. You had been my reason. You had always been there for me when I needed you. You were the person who always dried my tears. You told me "even when crying I'm beautiful too, the world is beating you down though I'm around through every mood." I believed you, and that was my biggest mistake, not that I fell for you, but that I actually thought you would feel the same way. I know that you're gone. Everytime we had fixed a problem we took one step forward and one step back. That's just how we worked. I wonder if you know how much I miss you. I wonder if you know I miss the memories so much more than you. I wonder if you've figured out I'm depressed yet. I wonder if you've realized you never knew me, you only knew what I showed you. That was okay. We had an unspoken agreement that we could keep something's to ourself, we both knew it would be better. Yet, here I am wishing I told you everything. Wishing that I could be in your embrace once more. Wishing I could kiss you one more time. Here I am wishing that we had never had a problem, when all you did was look for a reason to fight with me. That's how we showed how much we love each other by fighting. I guess that was your excuse to hurt me, to break me, that was your excuse to watch me hurt myself. Well mission accomplished. You'll see this in the morning. You'll come, and try to find me. You caused the scars on my wrist, but they were nothing compared to the scars on my soul. Do you want to know where I'll be? A rope. I'll be hanging from a rope.

_**How did you guys like this one-shot? I know it's kind of sad. I worked really hard on it so review please? Make my day. I hope y'all liked it. It was a little bit longer than my last one-shot. Thanks for reading Something to Remember.**_

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